I would love to include Mr Flibble quotes but Mr Flibble is a puppet of few words. All we know about Mr Flibble is that he has hex vision (very dangerous!) and that he is very cross.
Rimmer: They've been very bad, Mr. Flibble. What we going to do with them?
Rimmer: [Mr.Flibble whispers something in Rimmers ear and he looks at the crew, shocked] We couldn't possibly do that. Who'd clean up the mess?
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Kryten: Frankenstein was the creator - not the monster. It's a common misconception, held by all truly stupid people.
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Rimmer: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's crazy people.
Lister: OK. We've passed the test now, Rimmer. You can let us out.
Rimmer: I can't let you out.
Lister: Why not?
Rimmer: Because the king of the potato people won't let me. I begged him. I went down on my knees and wept. He wants to keep you here... keep you here for ten years.
The Cat: Can we see him?
Rimmer: See who?
The Cat: The king.
Rimmer: Do you have a magic carpet?
Lister: Yeah. A little three-seater.
[Rimmer has been infected by a Holovirus that is driving him insane]
Rimmer: I was just doing a little test... a little test to see if you'd all gone crazy...
[Rimmer bellows loudly and crazily]
Rimmer: If there's one thing I can't stand, it's crazy people.
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Dr. Hildegard Lanstrom: I have a riddle for you. What's dead and dead and dead all over?
Rimmer: Give in, Doctor Fruit Loop. Do tell.
Dr. Hildegard Lanstrom: Yooooooooouuuuuuu!
[Intercom blows up]
Rimmer: Well, we know what to get you for Christmas. A double lobotomy and ten rolls of rubber wallpaper.
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Rimmer: You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress... and army boots... and you think there's nothing amiss?
[Rimmer has sealed the rest of the crew in quarantine for 3 months and is taking great delight in psychologically torturing them by providing only minimal leisure facilities]
Rimmer: Now must dasherooni. I've got to go and prepare your daily musical entertainment. I think you'll like it. It's a perpetually looped tape of "Reggie Dixon's Tango Treats".
Rimmer: So let me get this straight. You wanna fly on a magic carpet to see the king of the Potato People and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're all completely sane?
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Lister: I'm just saying there's 79 more days to go.
Kryten: If you still want to be alive when there's only 78 more days to go, I suggest you do not blow your nose.
Lister: Do you mind if I ask why?
Kryten: Well, let's forego the noise and the revolting burbling sound and go straight to the really gross part where you always, and I mean always, having blown your nose, have to open up the handkerchief and take a look at the contents. I mean, why? What do you expect to see in there? A Turner seascape, perhaps? The face of the Madonna? An undiscovered Shakespearian sonnet?
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Lister: Why is it we never meet anyone nice?
The Cat: Why is it we never meet anyone who can shoot straight?
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[Rimmer has put the guys in a small room for three months quarantine]
Kryten: What about entertainment? You are obliged to provide us with minimum leisure facilities. Games, literature, hobby activities, motion pictures.
Rimmer: [With great smugness] And in accordance with Space Corps directive 312, you'll find in the storage cupboard over there a chess set with thirty-one missing pieces, a knitting magazine with a pull-out special on crocheted hats, a puzzle magazine with all the crosswords completed and a video of the excellent cinematic treat, "Wall-papering, Painting, and Stippling - a DIY guide".
------
Rimmer: Mr. Flibble's very cross!
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Lister: [Exploring a crashed starship Lister cleans a dirty sign revealing "Viral Research Dept."] Oh brutal!
Kryten: [Lister cleans off more dust from the sign, revealing "Most Gross Danger!" and "Bio-suits must be worn at all times!" A triangular warning symbol shows a man vomiting while his abdomen explodes. Lister and Cat panic, covering their mouths with handkerchiefs] There is no need for alarm, sir. If there were any dangerous viral strains in the atmosphere, the Psi-scan would have picked them up by now...
Kryten: [Looks at the device, waits, hits it on the side and then shakes it] It's never done that before...
Kryten: [Turns his back to Lister and Cat and continues shaking and hitting the device] Stupid cheap damn stupid Martian power packs.
[Throws a dead battery over his shoulder and inserts a new one]
The Cat: [Still panicking] So what's the news?
Kryten: Well, if I could just beg your indulgence for a few seconds more, sir, the old 345 takes a little time to warm up.
[He shakes it some more]
Kryten: Still, it out-performs the 346 in eight out of nine bench tests. A small wonder, then, that it secured "Psi-scan of the Year, Best Budget Model" three years running. Ah. Now here are the results. Yep. And we're going to... live.
Lister: [sighing] We're a real Mickey Mouse operation aren't we?
The Cat: Mickey Mouse? We ain't even Betty Boop!
Courtesy IMDB
